The social hierarchy of the homo studentus universitatus

I have observed that the HSU species gathers in groups and their social hierarchy is complicated. When together the alpha males are attached to video game controllers, totally focused on annihilating their cyber enemies, others are mulling around playing pool, watching the alpha males make their kill, while others are ripping open bags of chips and making popcorn…what intriguing social structure. There is also a select few, usually the females of the group that are intent on rapid communication via texting on their cellular devices. I think they may be socially stunted but who am I to comment?

Dear God....please help my kids grow up to be socially capable and productive members of society (or I will have to change my last name!!)

Homo Studentus Universitatus in the wrong place at the wrong time

It seems that a small male grouping of the species was spotted walking, late one spring night, from town after devouring pizza (which is a basic staple of their diet) back to their hovel at the University when the creature, completely oblivious to his surroundings (thought he was back in Kansas aka Amherst) hid behind a tree and decided that the roots needed a little watering. Unfortunately, he was spotted by one of the small town’s finest, who’s mission is to quell any improper behavior in this little college town, and was slapped with a ticket and court date. The poor, naive creature was under the delusion that if he dons a tie and sport coat (which has been crumpled up in a bin underneath his bed since August) he will look like a responsible college dweller and they will go easy on him....

“How did you do today in court?” I asked, holding my breath. “Did you wear a nice shirt and comb your hair?” Exasperated, he says, “Mom, I could have shown up in my boxers and they would have given me the same fine. I can’t believe that I have to pay the same amount of money as a kid who was fooling around and ran out into the street, nearly causing a four car pile up!” Of course, I said what he didn’t want to hear, “Life isn’t always fair, dear.” While hanging up the phone I smiled to myself … another painful but important life lesson! (He would kill me if he knew I put this out there for all to read but he probably won’t find out because he doesn’t think I even know what a ‘blog’ is!!)